I've never been your 'normal' girl with dreams and ambitions of being a wife, having a family, and building this so called American dream life.
When girls were talking about their dream weddings and names for their kids, I was imagining what city I wanted to live in next and what I would name my dog. Girls were making lists of what their dream husband would be like, while I was imagining a life on my own, with no regard for anyone else, just me, my dog, and our next journey. I always pictured myself dying alone, but never in an awful depressed way.. more of dying on my own I guess, in an independent sense that I'd come to terms with early in life, like I was just better that way. But someway, somehow, lately, all of that has changed. Not so much in a way that I'm planning all that girl stuff out, but more of in a way that if such things did happen, I'd be okay with it, I might even be able to picture it happening, where before I never could. Something inside me has settled.. I don't find myself feeling as restless. I don't find myself feeling the need to run away. And most of all, I don't find myself feeling the need to change anything..
Maybe it's a coming of age thing. Maybe it's just a matter of finding that person everyone always talks about, that 'one' person. Maybe it's the fact that my brothers three years younger than me, and he's got his life more figured out than I ever have. Or maybe it's just reality setting in finally. Who knows. But either way it's happening. I'm finally beginning to see a life in the mess I've been living the last twenty years. It's all just a little bit strange to me, but I kinda like it(:
When girls were talking about their dream weddings and names for their kids, I was imagining what city I wanted to live in next and what I would name my dog. Girls were making lists of what their dream husband would be like, while I was imagining a life on my own, with no regard for anyone else, just me, my dog, and our next journey. I always pictured myself dying alone, but never in an awful depressed way.. more of dying on my own I guess, in an independent sense that I'd come to terms with early in life, like I was just better that way. But someway, somehow, lately, all of that has changed. Not so much in a way that I'm planning all that girl stuff out, but more of in a way that if such things did happen, I'd be okay with it, I might even be able to picture it happening, where before I never could. Something inside me has settled.. I don't find myself feeling as restless. I don't find myself feeling the need to run away. And most of all, I don't find myself feeling the need to change anything..
Maybe it's a coming of age thing. Maybe it's just a matter of finding that person everyone always talks about, that 'one' person. Maybe it's the fact that my brothers three years younger than me, and he's got his life more figured out than I ever have. Or maybe it's just reality setting in finally. Who knows. But either way it's happening. I'm finally beginning to see a life in the mess I've been living the last twenty years. It's all just a little bit strange to me, but I kinda like it(:
No comments:
Post a Comment