This uphill battle

We're only a few months into 2014, and already this year has brought forth more stress, hardship, and just overall constant uphill battles. I can't say how many times the thought of giving up has crossed my mind. I swear some days the only thing that has kept me going through all this is how strong he has been and knowing that I've got the most amazing little girl on the way. But I'm starting to see the strength in him wear thinner and thinner day by day. I've watched his positive thoughts and proactive mind set dim over the last month or so. I've watched him fade, and I feel like maybe I'm to blame for at least a portion of it. I'm not always the easiest to deal with, or the most supportive, I don't always know the right things to say, in fact most times I don't know what to say at all. And in this time all I've done is watch. Sit back and simply watch. What the hell is wrong with me? Any other normal, emotionally sane girlfriend would've... I can't even tell you what they would've done, but I'm sure it would've been more than I have been for him.. So its time to be better. Better for him. Better for our baby Jersey. And better for us. It's time to be more of my own strength, and even some of his too when he needs it. Time to start playing as a team instead of a single warrior constantly on her guard. And time to start letting him in on some of the things I let roam rampid through my head everyday. I have a lot I need to work on to be what this family needs me to be. It's not going to be easy, but then again, I never expected any of this to be easy. It's taken me a long time, probably longer than it should have, to realize all of this and to let it honestly sink in, but this family is something I'll fight for til I have nothing left. Rob. Bubby. And now Jersey. Everything I want most in life. And I won't give up on any of it.

Funny how things change. Life changes. Desires change. Two years ago I would've never pictured my life where it is today. And today, I wouldn't change a damn thing.